Slip-N-Cried

Senior year of high school, all of our friends were at a party one night. Although I had gotten drunk before, this was one of the first nights I got REALLY drunk. Most of the events that took place this night were pretty hazy, but I definitely do remember a slip-n-slide set up in the backyard. People were wearing jeans and nice shirts, ya know, it was a party. Our friend Tony Baloney on the other hand wasn't too concerned that. He was the only idiot that decided to take advantage of this slip-n-slide. And you better believe he took advantage. He went down this thing about 15 times, laughing away, but little did he know that several plots were arising to spoil his fun. I was one of these people plotting, although I was too drunk to really plot anything. Then my boy Violence came over to me with the master plan. The plan consisted of myself and Violence each picking plastic lawn chairs, and throwing them at Tony, when he came sliding down to our end. This plan doesn't sound too great, but little did I know, this was only half the plan. Either way, I had to be on Violence's side. I mean come on, they call him Violence, it's not just a name. He's a pretty scary dude, especially back then. So anyway, we wait for the perfect time, to get ready to throw these chairs. As he starts sliding, I grab a chair, and see Violence behind me grabbing the other chair, so I led the way. We had him right where we wanted him. Once he jumped on that slip-n-slide, there was no turning back. So as I was about to heave this chair at Tony coming at me, I felt the earth shake, and a gust of wind behind me. By the time I looked back, it was already too late. My accomplice in the plot, had turned on me. Instead of him throwing his chair, he decided it would be a better idea to throw me and my chair. So all of a sudden, I'm launched in the air, what feels like 10 feet high. All that's going through my head at that moment, is that Violence tricked me and got me. I didn't realize that the original plan of ruining Tony's slip-n-slide fun was still in affect. As I flew through the air in this drunken stooper, I finally decided that I should look down to see where I'm landing. It happened to be the end of the slip-n-slide. At the last possible second before I landed, here comes Tones Balones sliding down the slip-n-slide. At the exact time he was coming to the end of the slip-n-slide, I landed right on him. The throw by Violence might have been the most accurate throw of a human being in the history of people-tossing. I somehow wasn't hurt at all from this, just very dazed. Tones Balones on the other hand, a supreme athlete who prides himself in being the toughest kid around, was crying like a little sissy-mary all night. This is coming from some one who won the "Best Tricep Competition" 3 years in a row in Huntington. I was so drunk that night that about 45 minutes after the incident, I stumbled over to Tony and asked him why he was hurt.
-JC